American Horror Story: Cult Episode 3: Killer Clowns? Chemical Trucks? What Is Going On??

We can officially add “being trapped in a coffin” to the list of irrational fears we now have thanks to American Horror Story.

Why does this show insist on doing this to us? What have we ever done to it? How do we watch it but like, without actually watching it? We are psychologically traumatized! 

Tonight, those bloody smiley faces got out of control as the fall-out from Ally’s shooting of poor Butchery employee Pedro also got completely out of control as our questions about what the hell is going on also got out of control. The actual cult part of Cult has to be on its way (or is it already here? Who knows), and we are not excited. But we’re also kind of excited! This is the most conflicting season of this show so far, to the point where we’re missing the ghosts and the aliens, simply because they’re easier to disconnect from. 

Anyway, the fall out. Protesters called Ally (Sarah Paulson) “the lesbian George Zimmerman” and demanded her arrest, leaving her unable to even get out of her car at work. 

Lucky for her, Kai (Evan Peters) was there to tell her how brave he thinks she is. Unlucky for her, Harrison (Billy Eichner) and Meadow (Leslie Grossman) were there to don sombreros and throw Taco Bell coupons at her, so it’s easy to see why she’s most likely going to be trusting one over the other two. 

Meanwhile, one of Dr. Vincent’s (Cheyenne Jackson) other patients just got over her fear of being trapped in a coffin, only for those clowns to then show up at her house to seal both her and her husband into a pair of coffins. And thus we are officially putting Dr. Vincent at the top of our list of suspects, though we’re not sure exactly which thing we suspect him of. Is he the leader of the clowns? Is he in the cult? Are the clowns part of the cult, or is the cult a separate thing from the clowns? And what about the chemical truck?! 

What we know for now is that Harrison and Meadow appear to have joined Kai’s cult, and have also befriended hot cop Detective Samuels (Colton Haynes), who’s probably also in the cult. And one of them very possibly microwaved the guinea pig that Harrison gifted Ozzy with…and then Ozzy found a bloody smiley face on the side of their house just before Harrison woke up with Meadow gone and his bed full of blood (RIP Meadow, probably). 

That same bloody smiley face could be found on the Mayfair-Richards front door, and in the Mayfair-Richards living room (accompanied by bloody handprints on the wall of the Mayfair-Richards stairs), and under the mask of one of the men from the chemical truck, who was spraying something on the Mayfair-Richards lawn.

And then, of course, there’s a creepy web cam in the Mayfair-Richards bathroom that just so happened to catch Winter (Billie Lourd) seducing Ally in the bathtub, which Ozzy was then watching on his laptop (why does this 10 year old have a laptop), so there are a lot of things going on right now and all of them are distressing. 

Which one is distressing you the most? Our answer is “all of them” but if we have to be specific, it’s the clowns. It’s always the clowns.

American Horror Story: Cult airs Tuesdays at 10 p.m. on FX. 

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