‘Real Housewives’: Simon and Tamra Barney’s bitter end

Tamra and Simon Barney delivered the drama on Thursday’s season 5 finale of “The Real Housewives of Orange County.”

As they dressed for the last party of the summer — when all the Housewives (including Jeana Keough and Lauri Waring Peterson) and their families gather for cocktails and catfights — the bickering began.

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Tamra: “I’ve got this dress which you’ll probably hate. It’s totally backless.”

Simon: “It looks like something a 20-year-old would wear … Why would you buy a dress like that?”

So, Tamra picked a little black dress with a modest neckline and said, “I can understand he doesn’t want my boobs hanging out, and I totally respect that.”

Simon: “Skirt’s kinda short … It almost looks like something Lynne [Curtin] would wear … I don’t know if it’s age appropriate … You’re a married woman … dress like a married woman.”

Tamra: “I like it. I want to wear it even more because you don’t.”

Matters took a turn for the worse during the limo ride when the conversation turned to Vicki Gunvalson and her influence on Tamra. “You’re like Vicki. You talk to me like I’m Donn and I’m sick of it,” Simon said.

After Simon accused her of spending too much time with Vicki and not enough with her kids, Tamra exploded, telling her husband, “You’re a nasty, vile person … You can go [expletive] yourself … I want a divorce! [expletive] you!” Simon tried to smooth things over with a hug before they walked into the party, and it worked — temporarily.

Gretchen Rossi and her boyfriend Slade Smiley stole the spotlight momentarily when they arrived — he wore a modified tux, and she had on a little white dress and an updo — looking “like the little plastic things that sit on top of a wedding cake,” Vicki said. Alexis Bellino and her mother, who had undergone plastic surgery only nine days before, also distracted Tamra with their beauty.

But soon the focus turned to Lynne and her tipsy teen daughters. “Raquel and Alexa got into something they weren’t supposed to get into on the way in the limo,” Lynne said. “Oblivious me doesn’t even realize they’re taking the alcohol and filling it up in the water bottles.”

After the troubled girls hit the bar in hopes of margaritas and martinis, they got into a fight and Raquel ditched her younger sister at the party. Alexa stormed out and had a breakdown outside the hotel but was calmed down by Jeana’s daughter Kara, who convinced her to keep her chin up and go back inside to flirt with her brother’s cute friend.

Soon it was Tamra’s turn to break down. “I tend to hold a lot of emotional issues in. I just keep everything buried inside until it just explodes,” she said. “Simon pissed me off … I just couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to talk so somebody.” So, she turned to Vicki to talk about her problems with Simon. When he heard from other partygoers that his wife was crying, Simon found his wife and asked about her tears.

“I just want you guys to make up,” Tamra lied. “I want it to be fine [between you and Vicki].”

“I don’t think Tamra was truthful with Simon because I think she’s afraid of him,” Vicki said.

As the ladies took their final group photo of the season, updates on the women flashed on the screen.

Gretchen and Slade are still not married; Alexis is no longer a stay-at-home mom, working now for her plastic surgeon; Vicki and Donn’s love-fest continues; after being evicted from their home, Lynne and her family moved into an “affordable” condo; and Simon and Tamra moved out and he filed for divorce.

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