Top Ten Man Movies of 2009

The Top Ten Man Movies for 2009

 It seems with the decade ending and a new one starting that everyone took it upon themselves to reflect and take a look back at what happened in the past decade. People came from out the woodwork to deliver what they thought were their top moments or whatever for the decade. You saw top “sports stories,” top “news headlines,” and more guck feeding your eyes everywhere you went online. Well  your in for some luck lad, as we are following the status quo and decided to put one together as well.

It’s fitting though, that we make ourselves look different in the face of these lists. We moved in the direction of something that will get your attention and make you glad to be a dude. We bring to you, The Top MAN Movies Of The Year.

The criteria was quiet simple to make this list; If the movie had tits, ass, explosions, a decent  funny story, fast cars or all of the above, it qualified for our list. Below you will see our choices and at the end of the day, when your sitting on your couch kicking back a brewski, you will be glad you read our list.

Top 10 MAN movies for 2009:


10. Ninja Assassin– Sure the story sucked but who cares. We are men and men are visual creatures. That’s why when we get a broad we have to be visually attracted to her.  Women on the other hand get suckered by guys like us with guerilla tactics employed by males.  The phrase women often tort when making a less than spectacular choice on a mate is “well it’s what’s on the inside.”  What BS! When’s the last time you saw a guy get with a girl who he didn’t think in his mind was hot because “she’s nice to me.”  We want our women to look pleasing to the eye and that’s how we like our movies. Intense and bad ass action sequences, gore and violence.  Ninja Assassin has it all and it at the very end, it doesn’t ask us if it looks fat in a new dress.

 

9. Zombieland– Zombies eating people in a gruesome manner, check.  Zombies getting snuffed, check.  A smart ass and funny protagonist, check.  Big bad Bill Murray, check.  You got the ingredients for an awesome movie, and Zombieland was just that.  It had everything you wanted for this genre and Woody Harrelson made you crack up.  Now that I think of it, didn’t he look like Chuck Liddell in this movie?  This one went under the radar, but not ours.  It combined humor, gore splats and kept all of us here thoroughly entertained.

 

8.  Terminator 4– First and foremost this is a spoiler alert.  If you haven’t seen this movie don’t read past this sentence.  Ok, with that out of the way, this is the essence of a man movie.  You had some sick special affects, wicked explosions everywhere, Moon Bloodchild, who is pretty banging and to top it off Arnold was in the movie. For you hippies who thought this movie was not good, you can suck it!

 

7. Sherlock Holmes– Robert Downey Jr. is the man in this movie. You have to give credit to Guy Ritchie, as he makes some awesome man approved movies. To best sum up this movie in one phrase it would sound something like this, “A cool movie about cool guys with cool stuff.” I like!  The final segment of the movie is extremely eye pleasing with it taking place on London’s unfinished Tower Bridge. 

 

6. Avatar– Sounds cliché to include this movie onto the list but you got to admit, it was pretty effing awesome. You felt like you were actually in the movie and it displayed awesome visuals. The battle scenes were pretty cool and you go to see shit blow up. Even more so, you got to see man at his best as he attempted to bring down and enslave yet another group of indigenous peoples.

 

 

5.  Star Trek– This remake could of easily been a nerd movie to the extreme. You got to thank director JJ Abrams for leading the reinvigorated franchise into a new direction. The special effects on this movie were pretty sick, as oddly enough George Lucas owned ILM worked on the film. With planets imploding, spaceships exploding, hottie Zoe Saldana in tight outfits and The Enterprise given an updated sleek look what’s not to like about this film.

 

4. Crank 2: High VoltageCrank and it’s sequel Crank 2: High Voltage should be the blueprint for any successful guy movie. When it comes down to it, all we really care about is seeing over the top action sequences and hot girls in revealing situations.  Add in some mob stuff, big ass guns and you got me hooked. I’ll be the first to admit, the story sucked, but wanna know why I didn’t care? I go and see movies to be ENTERTAINED! Not to think! I already think about too much shit during the day. The movies blends the unreal with the slightly possible and takes you on a testosterone filled ride that will keep you watching until the very end.

 

 

3. Tyson– Mike Tyson has provided us with some of the most memorable knockouts in recent history. The youngest heavyweight champion in boxing history has also had more than his fair share of run ins with the law.  He has provided us with some pretty memorable rants and quotes that will never be forgotten. His documentary, Tyson gives us a look at a vulnerable and self conscious man that nobody ever expected to see. Tyson recounts his past incidents in full detail and makes you see another side to the misunderstood champion.

 

2. Inglorious Bastards– It doesn’t get better than watching a movie about killing Nazis, unless your doing the killing of Nazis yourself.  Which is a pretty hard thing to do because you would have to go to Argentina.  Even if you got there the remaining Nazis are pretty old, so it would really be no fun beating a 88 year old man, unless you get a chuckle out of that. If you do, your pretty sick. But what can you say, a great cast, perfect story telling, a ending you didn’t see coming and best of all, GORE and more GORE! All at the expense of Nazi’s going down!

 

1. The Hangover– A “Man Movie” hall of fame should be erected and among all time Man Movie greats such as Revenge of the Nerds, Terminator 2 and Gladiator this movie shall sit next to them oozing in glory. From the moment you see The Hangover until the very end, it takes you on an unforgettable ride.  It reminds you of a Vegas trip that could have been or almost was and you are able to relate to the randomness the cast gets into. To top it all off, the end credits provide the highlight of the film reminding all males everywhere, delete your shit the day after your bachelor party!

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