Strikeout king of car prowlers gets baseball play-by-play by radio host

John Curley is a fixture of broadcasting in the Seattle area. A longtime host of KING-5’s “Evening Magazine,” which is, well, an evening magazine TV show, he’s now the Curley part of the Tom and Curley show on KIRO talk radio. Last week, the KIRO crew ran a video of a porch pirate getting some slip-and-fall instant karma, breaking or spraining her ankle in her victims’ front yard, to the point where her accomplice, who appears to be the Seahawks’ Russell Wilson, has to get out of the car and carry her off. (Unfortunately, they still got away with the packages.) That video may have brought this other dumb-criminal classic video out of the woodwork. It’s surveillance footage of a car prowl, to which Curley added baseball-style play-by-play of the would-be thief’s inept attempt to break into a Toyota Tacoma using a mop handle.

Again and again he tries, to no avail. Just guessing, but ramming tempered automotive glass with a mop handle probably really hurts — the guy on the end of the handle, not the glass.

“If you’re counting at home, that’s 14 blows against the window with the mop!” Curley intones. “Now remember, the dirty part of the mop is underneath his arm! … And again he strikes the window!

The apparently intoxicated car prowler circles the Tacoma, then ultimately uses even poorer judgment and winds up knocked unconscious. KIRO says he’s out cold for 17 minutes on the unedited version of the video before rousing himself and walking away. Perhaps invoking longtime Seattle Mariners play-by-play man Dave Niehaus, known for his use of “the grand salami,” Curley shouts, “Oh my God! Somebody get some salami and cream cheese!”

The hapless car prowler may have no idea he’s an Internet star, and let’s hope for his sake that’s it’s not because of a traumatic brain injury. No, it’s not funny for him, but if you’ve been the victim of a car prowl or package theft recently (I know a guy), this is all good stuff.

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